failure...

So this morning I got up at sparrowfart and dragged myself reluctantly into town to go have a blood test done. I have been working towards this with my counsellor for weeks and weeks, and being as I haven't had one for over a decade, I really wanted my cholesterol and other important stuffs checked out.

The lovely ladies at the pathology lab ushered me right in ahead of a dozen people there before me, because I was so frightened, bless! I was so ready, I was practically humming Eye of the Tiger under my breath as I walked into the clinic.

And I failed. A big, fat failure with a capital-F. The phlebotomist found a vein alright, but it really would have helped if there had been any significant amount of blood forthcoming.

(on a side note, how freaking ugly does my hand look here?)

In all my preparation and positive thinking, I had honestly not contemplated, even for a second, that it wouldn't work for this reason. If anything, I had expected to flip out and not go through with it - I was convinced that, if I let that lovely lady stick me with the needle - which I did, several times! - it was going to bloody (pardon the pun) work! Talk about anticlimactic.

I was given orange juice and reassurances, and some Emla patches for next time. I walked out into the parking lot, got into my car, and sobbed uncontrollably for about 10 minutes. I felt like Such A Failure. *sigh*

I did eventually pull myself together and get some perspective - and realised that I hadn't failed, the test had. Damn my fine hand-veins, with their lack of adequate blood supplies! (medical peeps, would this perhaps explain why my hands always go numb and white when they get even a little bit cold??) I am determined I'm gonna go back and try again - this time (eep!) in the arm. We shall see how we go.

V is back from Canberra tonight, yay! He picked me some lavender, nawwww :)

A glass of wine, catching up on some of my fave blogs, a good way to turn around a not-so-good morning

xoxo

H-E-L-P! you know I need somebody...

I've spoken before on here about my extreme fear of needles, or trypanophobia - what I haven't shared is that, for the past few months, I have been having some counseling sessions to help me overcome my phobia. Mainly cognitive behavioural therapy, and exposure techniques.

I won't go into the specifics, but what I will say is that, pre-therapy, I:

- could not look at a photo of a syringe

- could not listen to someone talk about needles/blood tests etc

- could not stand to be in a room with a capped needle

- felt nauseous, shaky and panicked anytime I was faced with a scenario involving needles

And the list goes on

Thanks to my counselor, I have recently been able to look at photos of injections and blood tests, handle/touch needles and other needle-related paraphernalia, and, most exciting for me, have a vaccination done without any fuss or hysteria, without even a support person there to hold my hand! I even drove myself to and from the appointment. Sounds like no big deal but, for me, it was huge.

Meet Chubby, my mascot!

My counsellor gave me this highlighter a while back - and at the time, I could barely look at it without feeling ill, let alone play with it. What a difference a few months can make! Now Chubby goes everywhere with me, in my handbag (and does raise some interesting looks at times, which is fun)

I cannot emphasise enough how amazing this process has been for me, and how helpful I am finding it. We still have a way to go, but even if this were as good as its get for me, I would be thrilled with the results.

I know that some may consider this a strange/revealing/embarrassing type of post for a lighthearted little blog like mine - the truth is, I think that admitting you need help with a problem, reaching out to grab the hand that is outstretched to you, is such a beautiful thing, and something to be celebrated, not hidden. I would encourage anyone who suffers from a phobia to seek professional assistance in dealing with it.

xoxo

things that make you smile...

What do you do to make yourself smile?

I'm making a concerted effort to try and do at least one thing every day that makes me smile, and feel happy. It can be such a small and simple thing!

Soymilk chai tea with lots of honey never fails to lift my spirits - Silks cafe in Sydney makes one of the best chai teas out there! Almost worth the trip just for one of these

Fresh flowers are one of my absolute favourite things, and always make me feel happy when I have them in the house. This bunch of garden roses smells absolutely divine.

Do you buy yourself flowers? I've never understood why some women feel the need to wait for someone else to buy flowers for them - buy yourself a bunch, if they make you smile!

I decided to rearrange some of the decor this evening - all in the name of keeping myself cheery. Looking at our wedding photos (seen displayed above the bureau) always brings a smile to my face as I remember our amazing day, undoubtedly one of the happiest days of my life

The pugs have been relocated - just looking at them makes me smile. I've also decided to display some of my favourite Frankie and Lula magazines - they're far too pretty to hide away!

My dinner - noodles with broccolini and soy sauce. Simple but delish! Noodles are one of my favourite things to eat, and the easy-factor is such a bonus

Does it get any more decadent? Fresh strawberries and blueberries, with some dark Toblerone to up the naughty factor

The weekend is nigh! And that makes me smile too

xoxo

happy valentines day!

Wishing everyone in Blogland a Happy Valentines Day!

Image courtesy of icanhascheezburger.com

xoxo

pretty little things...

In the spirit of keeping my, er, spirits lifted, I have spent the weekend surrounding myself with pretty things that make me happy and nourish my soul

Still totes embracing the "fruit-as-decorative-centrepiece" thang...

Nothing brightens the house, and lifts my spirits, quite like fresh flowers - and seeing as I won't be receiving any from V tomorrow for Valentine's Day, I thought, stuff it, I'm buying my own!

I have been sipping on T2 Strawberries and Cream tisane...

And I have started re-watching Alias this weekend, for like the billionth time. Without a doubt my favourite tv show of all time - I have a major girl-crush on Jennifer Garner!

Yay, scarf is coming along nicely! I love the colour, and the wool is 100% Australian merino, so soft and cosy

Jasper sez hai! He thinks the scarf is a perfect match for his fine, fluffy coat

Jade sends greetings too - can you see why I call her Little Jadey Sad-Eyes? Her beautiful dark markings and kohl-rimmed eyes means she does mournful like nobody's business

Hope everyone in Blogland has had a wonderful weekend!

xoxo

things that make me happy...

I took the day off work today on annual leave - call it a mental health day, but what with V being away and the killer week I've had, I really needed a day to sleep in, relax, and rejuvinate

I thought I'd share some snaps I took today of the little things that make me happy, which I am indulging in to keep my spirits up...

A bowl of fresh fruit for breakfast...

Getting started on a new scarf for winter...

Lula magazine - I can literally spend hours poring over the pages of this divine publication

Tidying and decluttering my wardrobe - and sitting back and looking at all the pretties!

Easter eggs - on a Spode platter

Watching trash-tastic episodes of The Rachel Zoe Project

Snuggling with my kitty-cats - they are such good company!

Happy Friday to all in Blogland!

xoxo

lonely...

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine

you make me happy when skies are grey...

Is it weird that V and I sing that song to each other? Not exactly your typical love ballad, I know. But its kind of special to us.

V rang a little while ago. We talked for ages, and he sang the sunshine song to me - I miss him. A lot.

celebrating the cool change...

Hooray for the cooler weather! It couldn't have come fast enough, I was reaching the end of my tether in the constant, icky heat

And hooray for wearing pants and long sleeves! You've got to relish the little things...

I wore this on Sunday night, to have dinner at my parents' house...

♥ Supre harem pants

♥ Cotton On top

♥ Tony Bianco ballet flats

♥ Jag leather satchel with Oroton silk scarf

Another bonus associated with cool climes - eating yummy vegetable-laden pastas, without melting from the heat!

I am missing V very, very much! Does that make me pathetic? I don't think so. I did feel the need for some comfort food last night, ie a pot of tea and some Cadbury Crunchie Easter eggs

xoxo

stylish blogger award...

Well I am feeling especially super-stylish today - I have been nominated for a Stylish Blogger Award by not one, but two of my lovely fellow bloggers! Thankyou so much to Miss Kitty-Cat and E, I feel very special!

Okies, so the rules dictate that I first must share with you 7 interesting things about myself - are you ready? Here we go!

1. Despite many years of ballet and gymnastics when I was a child, I am incapable of getting through the day without walking into something, tripping over my own feet, or just plain falling flat on my face. Whilst wearing flat shoes. Stone cold sober. Its a talent

2. I collect wine and champagne corks, on which I write the date and whatever occasion we were drinking to at the time. I acquired this strange hobby from a friend of my father's - its a kind of fun way to commemorate and remember special events. Especially helpful when you need a little help remembering the morning after...

3. My feet brush together when I walk (yes, I am a freak) - for this reason, I cannot buy expensive shoes, I just ruin them. My money is reserved for clothing and handbags

4. I hate coriander. The mere smell of it is enough to make me gag. My long-suffering friends and family have taken to cooking meals with coriander on the side

5. I have a chronic fear of needles, and spiders - a quick google search informed me that this would be referred to as belonephobia, and arachnophobia, respectively. The latter I can deal with - the former is a source of constant concern

6. I was a Goth from the age of 17 to 20. I also thought Marilyn Manson and Trent Reznor were the sexiest men alive. Not much has changed I guess...

7. I can fit my entire fist in my mouth - great party trick, but I recently saw someone do this and get stuck, so I'm now too scared!

Aaaaand that's all, folks! Now I need to nominate 15 bloggers whom I love and have recently discovered (except my list includes some I have been a fan of for aaaages):

aelie at the autumn castle

bonsai at bonsai in a bug's world

merowyn at sushi + vogue

heidi at apples under my bed

nicolala at only okay

lucy at 99strokes

the chic voyage

deborah at never smile at a crocodile

yummy mummy brooke at re:new vintage

princess frivolous

what is forever

mrs mcawesome of the awesome mcawesomes

the lovely hollypop

teacup grunge

and the bejewelled dresser

xoxo

things that make me happy...

A scented candle, gently flickering...

This one is from Ikou and is jasmine scented

A good magazine...

Crosswords! And the satisfaction of completing one

A nice drop...

Freshly manicured nails - this is OPI Chick Flick Cherry

What are the little that things makes you happy?

xoxo

snapshots of friday and an homage to 2010...

Last Friday of 2010! Last day of 2010, for that matter! A nice time to pause, and reflect on the year that was - and share some snapshots from today, the last of the year...

Still loving fresh summer fruits! (Please not to laugh at my attempt at an arty shot)

Especially cherries! (despite managing to swallow a cherry stone a few weeks ago)

Yes, I know you all roll your eyes, I know I spend FAR too much time at lee&me - I can't help it, Sir, I have an addiction!

Summer is gorgeous when there is enough of a fresh breeze to keep the trees moving gently, and to keep me cool - today has been such a lovely day!

More coffee photos! The last of the year, I swear (haha, gotcha!)

Reflecting on the year gone by, and the year to come...

Enjoying the sunshine - wearing loadsa SPF!

Having an official photographer who is totally hilarious and makes you laugh can be a hazard - I blame V for this shot!

♥ Friends Couture dress

♥ Kitten wrap

♥ Tony Bianco gladiator sandals

♥ Jag bag with Oroton scarf

♥ Cotton On sunglasses

Now, its time for some introspective naval-gazing - hey, its essential at this time of year!

10 things I learned in 2010:

(inspired by the lovely Carly)

1. If you forget to fill the cats' water bowl, they will drink out of the toilet

2. Talking + eating cherries = bad idea!

3. Swallowing a cherry stone does NOT mean you are going to grow a cherry tree in your stomach. Or a cherry baby. I hope

4. It is possible love your job, whilst simultaneously being driven crazy by it

5. Despite what they tell you when you are little, bad things do happen to good people. This includes cancer diagnoses, health scares, redundancies, etc

6. When shit happens, its how you react, and pick up the pieces, that counts. See point 5.

7. If you don't back up your laptop hard-drive, you are a bloody idiot, and when your computer crashes you will cry. And people will laugh. And you will feel stupid. And you will be charged hundreds of dollars to fix it. And you will cry some more. You get the picture

8. It is possible to form enduring friendships with people you have never met face to face

9. It is apparently possible to fall over whilst wearing flat shoes, being dead sober, and not even walking at the time

10. A hug, whether it be from V or a cuddly kitty-cat, can make everything ok again

I hope you all have a lovely New Years Eve, whatever your plans may be! And I hope 2011 brings only wonderful things!

xx

if you are having a bad day...

And you are cranky and tired and hate your job...

And you come home in a grumpy mood...

And you find a parcel on your doorstep - and you open it up - and you see THIS!

Then your day becomes a good day!

Thankyou so much A and B - you are both the loveliest, sweetest people and we are so blessed to have friends like you.

xoxo

the husband survey...

Okies so this one has been doing the round and I really like it! I stole it from Teacup Grunge, who stole it from The Blonde Leopard, who stole it from Domestic Divinity. Geddit? :D

How long have you been together?

Married for 2 years (yesterday, yay!), and we first started dating 10 years ago next February. Wow!

How old is he?

31 - and yes, I do constantly tease him about being an old man haha (even though he's only got 3 years on me!)

Who said I love you first?

I have thought long and hard about this one and I CANNOT REMEMBER! And neither can he! But I can say that we say this to each other on a daily basis - and always mean it.

Who eats more?

Now that V is on a health-kick, probably me! I do eat like a pig tho

Who is taller?

Definitely, definitely him! I think he is around 190cm tall, I am only 167cm tall

Whose temper is worse?

Mine, without a doubt! I yell and throw things and have tantrums *blush* I am being absolutely serious here too.

Who does the laundry?

Me - I don't trust anyone else with my precious babies (ahem, my clothes)

Who sings better?

Me. But V whistles very tunefully, which I cannot do.

Who is smarter?

How do I answer that?I don't really think its quantifiable.

Who does the dishes?

Whomever hasn't cooked dinner that night.

Who sleeps on the right side of the bed?

He does.

Who pays the bills?

We both do.

Who mows the lawns?

Theo, the lawnmowing man we pay to do them hehe

Who cooks dinner?

When I was commuting, V was on dinner duty every week night. Now its about 50/50.

Who drives when you are together?

Usually him. I drive us to work in the mornings though. And he does like my driving - he says I'm like a racecar driver, because I change gears so quickly, and flick the radio station, aircon etc so fast without looking at them.

Who is more stubborn?

Definitely him! I am quick-tempered and get over things really quickly.

Who is the first to admit when they are wrong?

Um, neither of us? We usually just agree to disagree and move on.

Whose parents do you see the most?

Mine - we have dinner with them every Sunday, and often see them during the week as well.

Who has more friends?

I think I do.

Who has more siblings?

Me - brother and a sister. V only has a sister.

Was it love at first sight?

I don't believe in love at first sight. I was instantly attracted to him when I met him (and he tells me the feeling is mutual - he still remembers what I was wearing). But it became pretty clear pretty early on that we had something special. I think that kind of affection and love deepens over time.

Okies, done boring you all with the intimate details of my life! Carry on people!

xoxo

my, oh miyazaki...

I have long been a fan of the adorable movies produced by Hayo Miyazaki and Studio Ghibli. I love that all of their cartoons are still entirely hand-drawn! I love the quirky and cute characters, the unique plotlines, and the mythology that underpins each film.

And I am not ashamed to admit that I own about half a dozen Miyazaki films on DVD, and that they are on high rotation in our household (V is also a fan).

The very first Miyazaki film I ever saw was the impeccable Spirited Away - V and I went to the local uni movies on a date and we both fell utterly in love with this movie. I adore the No Face ghost (pictured above) - "ah ah ah" LOL

Kiki's Delivery Service is such a sweet movie...

Laputa: Castle in the Sky is an absolutely magical film, the first film ever released by Studio Ghibli. Again, V and I saw this movie on a date together...

And my all-time favourite Miyazaki film... My Neighbour Totoro! I cannot possibly describe how utterly adorable this movie is - the cat bus, the weeny forest creatures, I just melt! I desperately want a Totoro of my very own to hug.

xoxo

All Images Courtesy of Google Images